There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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