Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I party with great urgency now.
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