i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
