getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
