Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
