why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
