The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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