He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
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