Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Couch. On fire.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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