so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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