I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
