shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
