Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
