Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
