If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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