Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
