I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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