I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
