New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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