I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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