I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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