Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
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