So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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