Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
