So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
