Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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