you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
