Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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