my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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