I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
