My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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