Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
