Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
