Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I cut my penus on the lid.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
