I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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