There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
