swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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