loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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