u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
