she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
