I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
50% drunk capacity currently
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
