every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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