I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Randomize
