just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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