I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
