Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
