Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
