You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
