theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
