Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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