When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
